Story

Letting Go To Lean Forward

For years, I believed control was the cornerstone of leadership. If I could oversee every project, triple-check every email, and step in with edits before anything went out the door, then I’d be seen as competent—valuable, even indispensable.

But slowly, almost imperceptibly, that grip began to wear me down.

At first, it looked like diligence. I was the one “on it,” the one people could count on. But beneath that reputation was an exhausted version of myself—straining to stay ahead of every detail, driven more by fear than clarity. I didn’t realize it at the time, but my need to control everything was actually holding me—and my team—back.

The turning point came not with a dramatic meltdown, but with a quiet question: What’s mine to own here? That question became my daily compass. It moved me from reactivity to resilience. From micromanagement to trust. From fear to agency.

Agency, I discovered, isn’t about doing everything yourself. It’s about knowing your role, acting with intention, and trusting others to do the same. When I shifted from trying to manage outcomes to focusing on what I could actually influence—my presence, my decisions, my integrity—I became more effective, not less.

And something else happened: my team flourished. They took initiative, made bold decisions, and brought ideas forward that I would’ve never seen if I’d kept hovering. Ownership, it turns out, is contagious.

Letting go of control wasn’t a moment. It was a practice. A new kind of leadership—one grounded in trust, presence, and slow, meaningful change.

Deep Dive

From Control to Ownership

Control often masquerades as responsibility. But the truth is, it’s more often a reaction to fear than a path to effectiveness. The deeper I got into leadership, the more I realized: I wasn’t being proactive—I was just busy trying to prevent things from going wrong.

The question that changed everything wasn’t “How do I stay in control?” but “What’s mine to own here?”

This subtle shift did two important things:

1. It created boundaries. Instead of taking on everything (and everyone), I learned to identify what was actually mine—what decisions, what mindset, what presence I could bring.

2. It restored clarity. When you own what’s yours, you stop wasting energy on what’s not. You move from firefighting to intentionality.

Let’s unpack what ownership looks like in practice:

• Control says: “If I don’t do it, it won’t get done right.”

• Ownership says: “I can coach, clarify, and support—but I don’t have to carry everything.”

• Control says: “I need to have a say in every decision.”

• Ownership says: “I’m responsible for the culture that shapes decisions.”

• Control says: “I’m responsible for the outcome.”

• Ownership says: “I’m responsible for how I show up, learn, and adapt.”

Ownership isn’t passive. It’s the most active, grounded stance you can take. It builds trust, resilience, and clarity—within yourself and with others.

So the next time you feel reactive, anxious, or like everything is slipping through your fingers, try this:

It might just be the most powerful leadership move you make.

Putting Into Practice

Practice Your Way Out Of Isolation

Control often thrives in isolation. When we’re disconnected, we overcompensate—trying to perform, impress, or protect. But the antidote to control isn’t perfection. It’s connection.

You can’t perform your way out of isolation. You have to practice your way out.

Here’s how to start:

• Identify your circle. Who challenges you without competing with you? Who holds you accountable without needing you to impress them? If you don’t have this, you’re not really leading—you’re just performing.

• Invite feedback early. Don’t wait until the work is polished. Let trusted voices in at the blueprint stage.

• Normalize “I don’t know.” This isn’t a weakness—it’s a declaration of trust. It says you’re more interested in learning than in looking good.

• Design rhythms of connection. Build in regular touchpoints: weekly calls, monthly check-ins, intentional spaces where performance takes a backseat to presence.

You don’t need a mastermind group or a networking strategy. You need a few truth-tellers—people who will speak honestly when you’re tempted to pretend you’re fine.

That’s how agency grows. In relationships, not in isolation.

Micro- Practice

The Ownership Pause

Each day this week, take 60 seconds—just one intentional minute—to ask yourself:

Let the answers shape your next move.

This isn’t about fixing everything. It’s about shifting your posture—from gripping to grounded, from reactive to resilient.

Set a reminder on your phone, pair it with brushing your teeth, or close your workday with it. One minute. One powerful reframe.

Updates:

Spiritual retreat in full swing

Check out the upcoming spiritual Retreat happening September 26–28, 2025 at the Art of Living Retreat Center in Boone, NC.

We chose this date intentionally: the one-year anniversary of Hurricane Helene, a storm that disrupted lives across North Carolina. But this isn’t about rebuilding homes. It’s about rebuilding ourselves—from the inside out.

This retreat is for high-performing leaders who are holding it together externally while quietly unraveling internally. Over three immersive days, we’ll work through The Resilience Stack™, a layered system designed to restore clarity, renew energy, and reset how we lead under pressure.

You’ll experience:

• Guided breathwork each morning to reset your nervous system

• Deep dives into The Resilience Stack™ for real-time transformation

• Honest conversations about burnout, leadership, and purpose

• Stillness, nature, and tools you’ll carry home with you

You’ll walk away with a clear, calm mind, a custom transformation plan, and the inner scaffolding to sustain aligned leadership.

We’ve intentionally limited this to 15 participants to keep it intimate and high-impact. No payment required to reserve your spot—just a commitment to your own renewal.

If this resonates, hold your place here or reach out for the full retreat guide.

Content Updates

Stay Connected

• 3 new Substack post’s this week

• 2 new Podcast Episodes of Mission Driven You (1 with a guest)

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